June 26, 2018 | UHCL Staff
As a native-born Nigerian, Olufolake Ike has spent her life in the church, ultimately becoming a pastor and marriage counselor. Along the way, Olufolake discovered that the tactics used among pastoral marriage counselors in Nigeria was probably doing more harm than good, particularly to women. With her master of arts in marriage and family therapy, which she expects to receive from University of Houston-Clear Lake in spring 2019, she hopes to return to Nigeria and begin teaching and applying a completely different approach to the practice of healing damaged marriages.
“Wives in an abusive relationship aren’t handled with the systemic approach in therapy, as they are here,” Ike said. “They hardly bring in the husband to talk, or perhaps even bring in the law if it’s needed. Instead, pastors counsel women in ways to just cope with the abusive partner and adjust to it. This tactic does not help women.”
At UH-Clear Lake, Ike discovered that marriage and family therapy is addressed systemically. “We learn to deal with the family as a system, not just with an individual,” she said. In Africa, Ike said, abuse is often defined quite differently than in the U.S. “In Nigeria, verbal abuse is not seen as abuse. A man can take away a woman’s value through verbal abuse, and that’s just considered part of life in a patriarchal society,” she explained. “Women are supposed to tolerate it and accept whatever comes as simply part of the package of marriage.”
As a pastor, Ike said she recognized what the culture taught her to do – to simply coach women on how to navigate marriage without actually solving problems. “Indirectly, they’re upholding the cultural norms, but the culture is dysfunctional,” she said. “Since I have been studying at UHCL, I understand the concepts in the Bible even more. The Bible teaches mutual respect in marriage, not abuse. I feel I will be able to offer better counsel from a professional point of view while upholding spiritual values.”
Ike estimates that about 80 percent of married women in Nigeria are subjected to domestic abuse. Forced sex is not considered rape; verbal and in some cases, physical abuse is to be expected during conflict, and covered up so the dirty laundry is not aired. Marriage problems are considered to be the wives’ fault. Cultural norms demand that women are responsible for making the marriage work. If it fails, she is blamed.
Ike said that in Nigeria, she hosted a weekly TV talk show called, “Marriage and Celebrities,” featuring local celebrities on the show. A new series called “Family Systems and Symptoms,” in which guests – married couples who are therapists – tell their love stories and discuss their professional expertise, especially in the area of mental health and marital issues.
“In Africa, people don’t really believe in therapy, and I am trying to sell this idea to them,” she said. “People hear their stories and listen to the challenges they face as therapists who also go through problems and explain how they managed as lay people and as professionals.”
Her show already has a significant viewership and she has spoken at various events and churches on the topic of marriage and relationship for over a decade. Each show, explained Ike, focuses on the discussion of a certain symptom within the marriage system.
“I am planning to start a new school of marriage and family therapy in Nigeria in August,” she said. “It’s a certificate program for church pastors who are already counseling. I’ll be the teacher and I want to train as many people as I can to use different family therapy approaches, starting with church leaders.”
She said that she felt that church leaders would be more receptive to her, being an ordained minister and a founding pastor of a Pentecostal church herself. “I think that makes it easier for me to be the one who introduces research based therapy coupled with spiritual values to them,” she said.
She plans to continue her studies and ultimately obtain her doctorate in marriage and family therapy. “I have gotten so much encouragement and assistance here at UHCL,” she said. “The professors here at UHCL are phenomenal and they have played vital roles at sharpening my vision. I feel at home with them and they don’t treat any of us like casual students. They bear in mind our vision. I want to introduce the concept of marriage and family therapy in Nigeria and UHCL has given me the courage to do it.”
Most others in this program wish to work with agencies or go into private practice. For Ike, it’s different. “I don’t need a license in Nigeria. My therapy will be on television,” she said. “I want to re-teach the church what the true intention of marriage is, and show how the culture has overridden the Bible. Pastors preach culture, not Bible. It’s had a very bad effect and I want to show that in the Bible, women are as worthy of respect and as valuable as men.”
Teaching the systemic marriage and family approach in this certificate program is everything to her. “I’m teaching based on the Bible and research,” she said. “My door is open to Christians and to everyone. Therapy should not be restricted to church folks talking to a pastor. It’s for everyone.”
For more information about the Marriage and Family Therapy program at UHCL, visit www.uhcl.edu/human-sciences-humanities/departments/clinical-health-applied-sciences/marriage-family-therapy.
